I wish I could get a job writing headlines. Not articles, not editorials, not analyses learned or otherwise – let someone else do that stuff. I want the fun job!
What am I talking about? This headline from the on-line edition of the Jerusalem Post:
‘Israel’s destruction is the solution’
Ahmadinejad: Though main solution is end of Israel, cease-fire is first step.
Now come on. Don’t tell me that whoever wrote that headline and sub-headline didn’t spend a few seconds savoring the multi-level irony they convey. Don’t tell me s/he isn’t still chuckling over it as I write – probably guffawing out loud, spraying rancid, stale Jerusalem Post machine-made instant coffee all over his/her keyboard.
And the work is so easy! I mean, here’s the actual Ahmadinejad quote from the Jerusalem Post article:
“Although the main solution is for the elimination of the Zionist regime, at this stage an immediate cease-fire must be implemented,” Ahmadinejad said, according to state-run television in a report posted on its Web site Thursday.
The Iranians even did all the work of translation, for Pete’s sake! And Ahmadinejad, the dear boy, did pretty much all the rest. Just tighten up the wording a bit, check spelling and punctuation, and you’re there. Easy money!
Since I probably won’t get a headline-writing job at the Post or anywhere else, I suppose I’d better just sit back and savor the irony myself. (Unlike the Post’s headline-writer, I’m drinking green tea at the moment; it doesn’t look half as bad splattered on a keyboard as coffee does.) And really, it is rather nice having enemies like Ahmadinejad! How many enemies are so open (by implication, at least) about their inability to achieve their goals? “We’re going to destroy you, but since at the moment you’re effectively destroying us, let’s all stop shooting for a while!”
Just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and eager to stop attacking Hezbollah, doesn’t it? I mean, a cease-fire is the first step in our destruction, after all – who can resist that? And I certainly wouldn’t want the inconvenient fact that Israel is winning the war in Lebanon to stand in the way of Ahmadinejad’s “solution” (presumably a final one). After all, he’s got lots of problems to solve, and it’s awfully selfish of us to let our trivial little problems prevent him from making the world into the good and happy place he envisions.
Ah well… I think there’s still some tea in the pot.